A rare fact about Canada that the liberal media wants to cover up is that in the summer of 1843, the People of the Ottawa Province, in an act of drunken foreign stupidity, elected Tinkles , a wild honey badger (or Mellivora capensis), as the lieutenant governor of their puny region. This desperate move of sub-American intellect was done in the name of freedom loving Canucks everywhere (and also for the Jews, but that was an afterthought.)

However, despite the outward appearance of elbow-licking retardocity, this move proved beneficial. During the French-Indian, when the Indians moved into Ontario in their patent-infringing Panzer tank divisions, Tinkles rose to the occasion, simultaneously inventing the Spencer repeating rifle and the formation of a standing army of no fewer than 20,000 badgers, ready to die for freedom against the oppressive Nazi-Indian Alliance.

But, all was for naught. Proving that even the greatest of men and Mellivora are capable of skull fucking blunders, he led all 20,000 badgers to their doom at the battle of the Badger, Just across from the Kinkos on Wellington. After most cleverly telling all badger to burrow under ground and not to fire on the Indian troops until you could see the red in their skin, he charged forward. After decimating the Indians ranks, He foolishly accepted their commanders offer of a thumb wrestling contest to determine the fate of the Canada,  forgetting the most important detail of all: Badgers don’t have thumbs.

This lead to him having to forfeit the match, leading the rape and pillage of nearly 22 1/2 Canadian shops, pubs and furriers. Because of this, the badgers were forced to cross the border and hid in exile in Wisconsin, which is why there are no badgers in Canada.

Interesting post script: Upon arrival, Tinkles promptly attacked the first Wisconsinite he meet and put him in a headlock until they made him their glorious leader, later renegotiated down to State Mascot and 6% gross international merchandising rights.