1) Your average gay is a minority, male, stands seven feet tall, can shape shift, and has a heart as black as coal.

2) When not engaging in sodomy and voting against freedom, your average gay enjoys the destruction of innocence and sneaking into your house and stealing one sock at a time.

3) When cornered, gays can expand their neck skin to three feet and spit a black ichor to blind and convert their attackers to a lifelong butt-fuck fest.

4) While you need to posses the proper genome to be scientifically classified as a “gay,” You can alter your DNA to grant you these demonic powers by simply choosing too.

Gays have the power to destroy childhood; In fact, they feed on spreading their filthy demon seed far into the brains of the child, who will grow up to either join the Taliban or the become a member of the Screen Writers Guild. Either way, they will contribute the downfall of American society.

The first gay was discovered in a small cave in Africa in 1978, kept alive by a primitive IV drip of the tears of American patriots. Rushed to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. After sedating and examining the man, it was discovered that he was nearly three thousand years old, and the progenitor of the gay community. Not realizing the danger this man posed, they left him in a simple hospital room with only one hand chained down and a guard armed with nothing more than a .38. In less than two hours, the King Queen (as he was to be known) had escaped, killing two and infecting nearly thirteen staff members. After having wiped out the Hippie menace, America was ill prepared for what happened next; within two years, the homosexual population in the U.S. swelled from zero to nearly 1.2 million. Although it is thought to be simply speculation, some think that the infection reached as high as the US presidential cabinet. When Carter ran for reelection in 1980, he repeatedly screamed “Stop! Save yourselves! The… infection…” which is highly considered one of the things that caused him to lose to Reagan.

An unknown side effect of the Gay community was their insatiable appetite for brownstones and condos. Many an inner city was destroyed by the pink menace, as they moved in and garishly took control of all-American working class neighborhoods, pushing out a burgeoning black community that was finally getting it’s shit together. By 1983, a new menace was discovered; Gays excreted an incredibly potent amphetamine instead of feces, and it was seeping it’s way into the groundwater, getting hundreds of thousands of inner city youth hooked. When the gays realized that their waste was addictive to regular humans, they snarkily named it “Crack” and sold it as a “drug.”

The Homosexual menace continues to be a threat to American values, and the infection is growing. The virus has split into different families, including “Bi,” “Fag Hag,” and “Liberal.” A conservative estimate is that nearly 60% of Americans are carriers of the gay disease, but it remains dormant in many of them. However, with proper education, it could be possible to create a serum to push back the fudge-packing forever. Until then, if you spot someone you suspect may be a carrier, don’t do nothing. If caught early, Some can be saved by a steady diet of Playboy, chicken wings, and Milwaukee’s Best.